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Submitted on
November 16, 2012
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It's a odd kind of feeling
and an odd kind of peeling
the day you kiss your former self
that decisive goodbye,
then quickly rip your lips
from the parting.

There is no time frame,
no milestone markers
at the logical divisions.
One day you simply wake up empty,
a slight rumble in your snakeskin stomach,
then nothing but the seeping quiet.

Your flaking blood surfs the sloping light shafts
searching for new ground.

It is the last day, you see.
The furrows may remain,
but the uncertain air
of yesteryear
departs.
People say I look different these days.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
I think it is just me - because I was thinking about suicide when I read this work...

I'm not going to carry forward that idea, nor am I going to bring myself into becoming biased over such a proposition and let it influence me regarding my decision towards the end-result of this poem.

Its... scary; definitely not for younger children to be reading, or introspecting about; its far too vivid and picturesque to be taken lightly, that's for sure; The last stanza, in particular, leaves a very prominent yet subtle dent in the mind.

And that makes this poem good.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
I've seen comments mention "scary", and "suicide", but that's not what I get from this piece at all. Especially the final stanza where I come away with a sense of hope. Anytime the uncertainty of yesteryear departs, that means there's change in the air, a change that has opened a new door to pass through. To explore and see what awaits you.
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:iconneonxaos:
neonxaos Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, that was the general idea, it's the death of a former self, not an actual self, and it is about the force of change. But I don't want to instruct people about how they should interpret a piece. If they come away with the wrong idea in a piece of fiction or critical writing, then that would be my failure as a writer. But in poetry... I think it's different there. People can still interpret things in ways I didn't intend, but that doesn't make my work "wrong" per se. I'm having trouble finding the words... This is why poetic critique is such a minefield.
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
I'm sorry you misunderstood me. I was just saying that, in spite of other interpretations, this was how the poem impacted me, that's all. You needn't explain any of that, because I as a poet also see it the same way. It's open to a reader's own vision. In fact, sometimes they come up with imagery that the author didn't think of but can fully appreciate, and may even learn from.
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:iconneonxaos:
neonxaos Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No, now you're misunderstanding me, because I was agreeing with you. I was talking about the comments from the other people. I fail at replying! :)
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
Oh gosh, I wish I had picked up on that... that you were agreeing with me!
Wow do I feel foolish now.
I guess we both fail at replying. :ashamed:
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:iconneonxaos:
neonxaos Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
We're supposed to be great writers! :D
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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
Indeed. And great writers have been known to be in and out of trouble - constantly! :D
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:iconneonxaos:
neonxaos Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Then I have truly become a much greater writer this year.
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(1 Reply)
:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Student Writer
Such a fascinating poem... It's quite frightening and unusual in a sense! I love the theme you carry with hidden symbols, and the choice of word is excellent. Incredible work! :)
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:iconneonxaos:
neonxaos Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you enjoyed it, although I certainly don't consider it as my best work. :)
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